not sure why we invent this
concept
of "a new year" to
give ourselves the
illusion of renewal to our lives.
what does the orbiting
of the Earth
round that ball of fire
got to do with "happy" and
"new beginnings", really
but its good i have every 365th
day of my life as a pit stop to
assess my life.
it gives me some sort of a
tangible end point
that would otherwise make
life seem aimless
if not for the
motivation to live to see the
next year, which
i always hope,
"would be better".
yes, the hope for
better is
encouraging.
especially since its so
insanely easy to get discouraged
in the crazy crazy world.
im satisfied enough by how
i governed myself this year.
tho im still as imperfect as i was
last year,
i think maybe the improvement is
in coming to terms and in dealing.
i still hate my frailties,
my arrogance, my (sometimes) competence,
my hypocrisy, my hate
and a whole lot of other things.
my arrogance wrecks me abit.
like a probable relationship with God.
i don't like to sound like i believe
that my blessings were a matter of chance,
but i don't want to be part of
the misunderstanding that
God-talk is fashionable, or
just a useful PR tool.
its hard to explain myself,
but until im wholly comfortable with
the idea of "worshipping" and "rituals",
i will focus on being a harmless member
of the Human Race and respect that
God is around.
don't mistake me, i lke that idea, really.
in fact, i quite agree its real.
its the people really, i can't quite tell
who's telling the truth.
they kill one another over
the superiority of their
versions of God,
it bothers me.
( i think there's only one,
its only logical, unless its a
ministry or sth.)
i guess
i would like more strength
to help me more
in fitting into this world that doesnt
see eye to eye with me, irritates me,
and sometimes tears me apart.
6:53 PM